有一天我回到家 我媳妇儿正在吸海洛因 I came home one day, and my wife was using heroin.
我很快也爱上了海洛因 I fell in love with it pretty quick.
渐渐的一包变成一克 One bag of dope turned into a gram of dope.
一克变成两克 One gram turned into two grams.
你吸食得越多 为了维持那种快感你必须吸得更多 The more you do, the more you had to do to get that same high.
我从没指望自己能活到25岁 I never expected to live to be 25.
我不能停止吸食 I can't not use.
如果我不吸 就会生病 If I don't use, I'm going to be sick.
我今年19岁 一天要吃五片扑热息痛 I'm 19 years old, I was up to five Percocets a day.
我没有工作 I didn't have a job.
我无家可归 I was homeless.
我觉得世界根本就不需要我 I felt like the world didn't need me.
我第一次抽烟的时候好像是在高中 I probably was in high school the first time I smoked crack.
在那之后不久 我开始吸食海洛因 Did heroin not too long after that.
我从没想过要去戒毒所 I'd never really wanted to be in rehab.
我的很多朋友戒毒一次又一次地失败 家人也是如此 Too many of my friends failed over and over again and family members.
我认为毒品和酒精 I thought drugs and alcohol...
就是我生长的环境了 That's what I grew up around, yeah?
我认为这也是每个人生活的方式 I thought that was just the way everybody lived.
我不知道有人过着清醒的生活 I didn't know people lived life sober.
片名：大男孩清醒路
这部影片在18个月内随访了四名对阿片类药物成瘾的男性
他们开始在极光西弗吉尼亚州梯级康复中心戒毒
嘿 查德 Hey, Chad.
-你好吗 -我是杰夫 -How are you? -I'm Jeff.
-见过杰夫 -杰夫 我是查德·毕夏普 -Meet Jeff. -Jeff. Chad Bishop.
很高兴见到你 Nice to meet you.
-兴奋吗 -是的 我很兴奋 -Excited? -Yeah, I'm really excited.
很好 这很棒 That's good, that's great.
杰夫是戒毒所的第一个成员 从监狱出来后参加为期六个月戒毒计划
开始吧 伙计 第一个 Fired up, man. Number one!
第一个 Number one!
你还好吗 How's it going?
你们东西都要带齐了吗 You guys got anything to carry in?
没有 他手里拿着的就是所有的东西 No, he's got everything he's got right there in his hands.
-好吧 好吧 -地方不错 - All right. All right. - Nice place.
我们开业那天 还在装修呢 We were still working on it when we opened up.
-哇 不错 -同样的浴室 同样的设计 -Wow. Nice. -Same bathroom, same way.
这是你的房间 This is yours.
-这是我的房间 -你想睡哪张床 -This is mine. -Which bed do you want?
-这张 -好的 -This one. -All right.
你应该看看我睡过的垫子 You should see the mat I was sleeping on.
我知道那种感觉 I know the feeling.
就像睡在毛巾上一样 It's like sleeping on a towel.
是的 这些床都很舒适 试试 Yeah, these are comfortable beds. Try it out.
是的 伙计 这太棒了 Yeah, man, this is awesome.
他昨天为了他的女儿们去参加了法庭听证会 He had his court hearing yesterday for his girls,
因为他要来这 and because he was coming up here,
他们延长了他的缓刑期 they extended his period,
所以他们还没有把他的女儿从他身边带走 所以 so they didn't take his girls away from him yet, so...
-那很好 -她们现在多大了 一岁和三岁 -That's good. -How old are they now? One and three?
-两岁和三岁 -好的 -Two and three. -Okay.
-你结婚多久了 -我20岁就结婚了 -How long have you been married? -Since I was 20.
真的吗 你现在25岁？ Really? You're 25?
-到六月份我就26岁了 -26岁？ -In June, I turn 26. -Twenty-six?
-有没有帮派关系什么的 -没有 -No gang affiliations, anything like that? -No.
非常好 Very good.
基本上 明天我们会叫你起床 让你吃饱 Tomorrow basically, we'll wake you up, get you fed,
然后我们会去农场喂动物 and then we're going to go over to the farm and feed the animals,
在那边做一些农活 do a little bit of work over there.
晚上六七点左右 Evening time, around six, seven o'clock,
会是你自己参加学习班的一些时间 that would be some of your time for educational classes.
你已经来这45分钟了 你正式成为了我们的元老级住客了 You've been here about 45 minutes. You're officially our senior resident.
-责任重大 -是啊 - It's a lot of responsibility. - Yeah!
-我来了 这就是我 -没错 - Here I am, that's me. - You're it.
我是说 如果这都不能让你有新的想法 I mean, if that doesn't give you a new perspective,
我就不知道怎样才能有了 I don't know what will.
创办了好几家急救中心之后 凯文·布兰肯希普博士开办了雅各布之梯 一个农场住宿型的戒毒所
住在这里的人不会和外部世界有太多的接触 The guys won't have a lot of outside world contact,
除非在监督之下 unless it's supervised.
你真的希望让这些人不再被孤立 You really want to kind of keep the guys from isolating,
因为这就是他们之前的生活 because that's kind of where their life's been.
只有他们和毒品 It's been them and their drug.
农业生活是一系列的进步和挫折组成的 Farming life is a series of advances and a couple of setbacks,
他们将会能够体验到那种清醒 and they'll be able to experience that kind of stuff sober.
生活并不总是完美的 并不总是美好的 Life's not always going to be perfect, it's not always going to be good,
你必须学会忍受痛苦和挫折 and you have to learn to live with pain and setbacks,
不要让毒品来控制你 without having drugs to dampen it for you.
早上好 伙计们 Morning, guys.
-早上好 马克 -你怎么样 -Morning, Mark. -How are you doing?
非常好 Fantastic.
你以前和动物一起工作过吗 You ever worked with animals before? Have you?
-嗯 我外公有个小农场 -农场？好的 -Yeah, my papa had a little farm. -A farm? Okay.
这些都是要放到在草场上去的 These are the ones that are gonna go out on pasture.
你可以把这个放在他面前 You can just stick it in front of him.
他至少应该能吃一会儿 He should at least for a while.
把它往上提 很好 Tip it up. There you go.
-看起来你以前做过 -是的 - You look like you've done it. - Yeah.
好的 Okay.
这是我的弟弟本尼 This is my brother Benny.
他现在吸食海洛因和冰毒很严重 He's on heroin and meth real bad right now.
那是亚伦 我妈妈的男朋友约翰 现在已经是她丈夫了 That's Aaron, my mom's boyfriend John, the one she's married to now.
那是他吸毒过量的儿子 That's his son that ODed.
他已经去世了 那是我的弟弟AJ He's passed away, and that's my brother AJ.
现在他在坐牢 Which is locked up in prison
因为抢劫了摩根城萨布拉顿的哈迪斯餐厅 for robbing Hardee's in Sabraton, Morgantown,
为了凑钱去买毒品和其他什么的 to get drugs and stuff.
那是我妹妹 That's my sister,
我妈妈和我妹的两个孩子 my mom and her two kids,
但她没有抚养过他们 but she don't have nothing to do with them.
她现在正在逃避法律的制裁 She's on the run from the law right now.
我妈妈在抚养这两个孩子 And my mom has both kids.
她们都很可爱 These are cute.
那是我的孩子 That's my kid.
她刚刚会走路 That's her when she just started walking.
对这些人 我都需要做很多补偿 Got a lot of amends to make to a lot of these people,
但我不知道他们是谁 but I don't know who they are.
这里的很多房子我都闯进去过 I've broken into a lot of these houses.
在我毒瘾发作的时候做的 I've gone through... in my addiction.
-有一些东西是你补偿不了的 -有一些是的 - There's some amends you just can't make. - There are some.
他们中的一些人 也许你可以写一封信 放进他们的邮箱里 Some of them, maybe you could write a letter, put it in their mailbox.
因为有些人 你去敲他们的门是有风险的 'Cause it would be risky knocking on the door, some of them,
告诉他们你做了什么 他们可能不会太友好 telling them what you did, they may not take too kindly to it.
特别是在这些地方 人们习惯带枪 Especially in these parts, people tend to carry guns with them.
是的 他们会射杀你 Yeah, they'll shoot you around here.
看到那座山上的教堂了吗 See that church way over on that hill?
-嗯 -我生父就埋在那里 - Yeah. - That's where my real dad's buried.
-真的吗 -是的 - Really? - Yeah.
-你了解他吗 -不 他去世的时候我只有三岁 -Did you ever know him? -No, I was three when he passed away.
-那时我妈妈也离开了 -发生了什么 -That's when my mom left. -What happened?
砍树时 一棵树倒在了爸爸的身上 A tree got cut down on Papa.
-真的吗 -是的 -Really? -Yeah.
-哇 -在一个伐木场 -Wow. -At a logging yard.
一年后 我妈妈离开了 去了一家酒吧 再也没有回过家 Then a year later, my mom left, went to a bar and never came home.
-你三岁时她就离开了 -三岁 是的 -So she left when you were three? -Three years old, yeah.
我十五六岁时她才回来 And didn't come back until I was 15 or 16.
天哪 她去哪了 Jeez! Where'd she go?
我不知道 I don't know.
我有时喜欢安静地坐在这 I like to sit here sometimes quietly.
就像当你嗨了的时候 Like, when you're, like, high and stuff,
你就不会去想 you don't really think about what...
你知道我的意思吧 你不会去 You know what I mean? You ain't got...
我醒来的第一件事是 I wake up, my first thing is,
我得找到我的针头 找些毒品 I gotta find my needle and go find me some dope.
你知道我的意思吧 You know what I mean?
但现在你没有嗨 But now that you're not high,
你早上来这 你听所有的鸟叫声 you come out here in the morning, you listen to all the birds.
当你嗨的时候 你不会把注意力放在这样的事情上 When you're high, you don't focus on shit like that.
我现在就听到一只鸟在这里叫 I hear a bird over here right now. You know what I mean?
你还可以在这里听到一些 And you can hear some over here.
当他们组合到一起 感觉就像... When they go together, it's like... You know what I mean?
你感激生活中的点点滴滴 You appreciate the little things in life.
是的 但当你吸嗨的时候 Yeah, you do, but when you're high,
你根本就不会在意这些 you really don't focus on no shit like that.
-你看透了 -是的 我同意 -You see through it. -Yeah, I agree.
美丽 Beautiful.
我们走吧 我们走吧 Let's go. Let's go!
不用去定位 看看能否楔入 And instead of posting, see if it wedges.
如果能楔形 不要把它全露出来 If it wedges, don't take it all the way out.
-简洁 -是的 -Minimalistic. -Yes.
长话短说 我从16岁就开始吸毒 Long story short, I've been a drug addict since I was 16,
进进出出 这是我参加的第十个项目 and in and out of programs. This is my tenth program.
在我来雅各布之梯之前我参加过一个荒野项目 And I came to Jacob's Ladder. I was at a wilderness program before this.
我妈帮我找的 你知道吧 And my mom found it for me, and you know,
我从来没有去过一个建在农场里的康复中心 I've never been on a recovery place like this where it's on a farm.
我知道人们想听什么 I know what people want to hear,
对我来说在没被发现的情况下通过一个项目 简直是易如反掌 so it's really easy for me to skate through a program undetected.
他们会说 这小子真的做得很好 You know, they say, "This kid is really doing good."
真的 我就是在骗人 Really, I was bullshitting my way,
等我出去 在外面 再吸 waiting to get out, on the outside, to use.
在内心深处我真的想要保持清醒 我不想死 Deep down I really wanna be sober. I don't wanna die.
没有人真的想死 每一个正常人都不会想死 Nobody really wants to die. Even a normal human doesn't wanna die.
我不知道 我只是 I don't know, I'm just...
当我全身心投入的时候我真的感到很高兴 I'm really excited to actually give it 100%,
因为我从来没有这样做过 'cause I've never done that before.
我从来没有全身心投入过 I've never given it my all.
-我是克雷格 吸毒成瘾 -你好 克雷格 -Craig, addict. -Hi, Craig.
所以接下来我们要做的是 四处走走 So what I wanna do next is we're gonna go around,
我们要看看这一周的情况如何 we're gonna check in, how your week's going,
经历过哪些斗争 哪些对你们有好处 what's the struggle, what's going well for you.
-我是亚当 我是个瘾君子 -嘿 亚当 -I'm Adam, and I'm an addict. -Hey, Adam.
是啊 你们知道 这周起起落落 Yeah, you know, this week's been up and down.
我收到了我奶奶寄给我的第一封信 I got, you know, the first letter from my grandma.
她 她像是我毒瘾的中心 She... She's, like, the center of my addiction.
她就是我的金钱来源 You know, that was, like, where I got all my money.
如果我需要什么 我就跑过去 You know, if I needed something, I ran there,
要么她给我钱 要么大多数时间 and either she gave it to me, or most of the time,
我就很公然地用这样那样的理由欺骗她 I just conned her out of it one way or another, to put it blatantly.
她给我写了这封信 她说 She sent me this letter and she said,
我原谅你 我不生你的气 "I forgive you. I couldn't be mad at you.
我爱你 这些话 I love you," and all this,
我只是在想 and I was just thinking, like,
我从这个女人身上拿走一大笔钱 "I took a significant amount of money from this woman."
我是说 在我看来 我毁了她的生活 I mean, I ruined her life in my eyes.
她已经86岁了 I mean, she's 86,
她在慈善机构工作 所以她现在不是无家可归的人 and she's working at the Goodwill, so that she is not homeless right now.
我自己 我是不会原谅像我这样的人 Myself, I couldn't just forgive someone like that.
我不管他们是谁 I don't care who they are.
我也不应该得到他们的原谅 I don't deserve the forgiveness that I got,
这么快 莫名其妙的原谅 that quickly and out of nowhere.
我只是不知道该怎么办 I just don't know what to do.
你们觉得有道理吗 That make sense to you guys?
有的 伙计 Yeah, dude.
别逃跑 伙计们 Don't run, you guys.
我差点就要跑了 I almost ran.
谢谢 Thank you.
你救了我很多次 You saved my life many a time.
你根本不知道那有多真实 You have no idea how true that is.
伙计们 我已经十四次吸毒过量了 Fourteen times I've overdosed, guys.
十四次 Fourteen times.
伙计 我用绳子把我的小腿弄坏了 Dude, I busted my shin on that rope.
哦 Oh!
查德告诉我说我们要出游 Chad told me we were going for a hayride.
这我没想到 This ain't what I had in mind.
我知道 Yeah, I know.
这些是辣椒 These are peppers here.
你可以通过叶子分辨它们 You can tell in the leaves.
嗯 Yep.
我觉得如果我们灵活 I feel like if we're flexible...
又有同情心 and we're compassionate,
那么对我来说 要帮助别人 做到这两点是最好的 then, I mean, that to me is the best combination of trying to help people.
如果这两样你缺了一样 I mean, if you lose either one of those two qualities,
我觉得你真的就是跛脚了 I think you're really hamstrung.
不管你做什么 No matter what you're doing,
如果你把这些人安排在一个好人聚集的地方 if you're giving these guys a place to be surrounded by good people,
这样他们就已有优势了 I mean, they're way ahead of the game already.
布兰肯希普博士创办雅各布之梯 是因为西弗吉尼亚缺少戒毒康复项目 而他的儿子曾对鸦片类药物成瘾
这是杰克和杰里卡 他的姐姐 Jake and Jerrica, his older sister,
在巴哈马群岛时 我们去潜水 in the Bahamas, we went conch diving.
拍这张照片时 杰克应该在戒断期 Jake was probably withdrawing in this picture.
-我是 是的 -我当时不知道 但是他 -I was, yeah. -I didn't know at the time, but he was...
-我以为你知道 你说 -我当时知道吗 拍这张照片的时候？ -I thought you knew. You said... -Did I know then, in this one?
-你有预感 -是啊 -You had a hunch. -Yeah.
我不记得了 但看看他有多瘦 I can't remember, but look how skinny he is.
很瘦 Pretty skinny.
-但这还不是最糟糕的时候 -嗯 -I got worse than that, though. -Yeah.
因为我对药物更感兴趣 'Cause I was more interested in pills.
我偷偷随身带着一片羟考酮 I think I, like, snuck one Oxy with me.
-是吗 -嗯 -Did you? -Uh-huh.
看起来身体很虚弱 Looking pretty... pretty strung out.
-那是因为我的确如此 -是的 -That's 'cause I was, yeah. -Yeah.
一切都很痛苦 Everything's hurting.
胳膊和腿要高一点 Arm and legs a little bit higher.
上个星期你的听证会如何 How did your court date go last week?
哦 天哪 Oh, man.
不好吗 Not good?
听证会很好 但我收到了一些关于我女儿的坏消息 The court date went good, but I got some bad news about my daughter.
整个星期都心情不好 Put me in a bad mood all week.
我女儿去了一个寄养家庭 My daughter went to a foster home.
去了以后 他们就骚扰她 While she was in there, they molested her.
我才发现 所以我们正在处理 And I just found out about it, so we're in the middle of that.
现在正在接受调查 It's being investigated right now and stuff.
你知道我的意思吗 这是个糟糕的星期 You know what I mean? It's been a bad week.
杰夫 你很安静 你在想什么 Jeff, you got quiet, brother. What are you thinking?
你这话是什么意思 What do you mean?
你通常不是这样的 到底发生了什么 You're not quiet usually, so what's going on?
-我只是在再放松 老兄 -嗯？ -I'm just kicking it, dude. -Huh?
只是放松 倾听 Just kicking it, listening.
每当我提到你生活中的这些事 你是什么感受？ What went on for you when I brought up stuff in your life right now, then?
我不知道 我今天整天都在告诉自己 I don't know. I keep telling myself all day today,
如果我没有吸毒 if I wouldn't have picked up and used,
我的意思是 如果我没被抓住 you know what I mean, if I wouldn't have got caught,
她们就不会被带走 她也不会被骚扰 they would never have got taken, she would never have got molested.
你明白我的意思吗？ Do you know what I mean?
我觉得我的行为导致了那样的后果 伙计 I feel like my actions led to that shit, man.
-我只是想杀了那个家伙 -我明白了 伙计 -I just want to kill the dude. -I get it, man.
压在我心头的想法说我这么做是对的 One thing's on my shoulder saying I'm doing the right thing,
待在这里 一切都会好起来的 stay here, and it'll all work out.
让警察 让法律来处理这些事情 Let the cops, let the law take care of it and stuff,
我的另一部分想法却在说 and another part of my shoulder's like,
“老兄 上前一步 杀了那个混蛋” "Man, step the fuck up. Kill this motherfucker."
你懂吗？ You know what I mean?
保护你的女儿 Protect your daughter.
我很迷茫 我不知道该怎么办 伙计 I'm just lost. I don't know what to do, man.
我不想走到那一步 I just don't wanna go there.
我内心的一部分也想留下来 所以我只是 我很迷茫 A part of me wants to stay, too, so I'm just... I'm lost.
我只是 我不知道该怎么办 I just... I don't know what to do.
我真他妈不知道 I don't fucking know, man.
我不知道 I don't know.
好吧 Well, what...
你现在做得对 对吧 你说了出来 从中解脱了 You're doing it right now though, right? You're talking, coming out with it.
因为很明显 所有这些东西都藏在你的心里 在你的脑海里 'Cause it's obvious that all this stuff is sitting in you, in your head.
你觉得自己乐呵呵地就能过去 You're the one that thinks you get away with it with all the jokey shit,
但很明显 在你生活出现了这样的事 but it's obvious you can't have something like that pop into your life,
它不会凭空消失 and then it just evaporates.
它不会凭空消失 It ain't gonna go away.
所以我们在这里帮助你们康复 So here we got your brothers here in recovery,
这些都是你的兄弟 对吧 and this is to you guys, right?
你知道这是你的兄弟 他在挣扎 You know this is your guy, he's struggling,
所以 我们每天就说些废话吗？ so are we just talking shit every day?
我们只是找点乐子吗？ Are we just having fun?
但他在挣扎 对吧 现在你们看看他的表情 But he's struggling, right? Now you see on his face.
我们要怎么做才能支持杰夫呢 So what are we doing to support Jeff?
我们都看到了 We've all seen it.
这很糟糕 因为我也经历过 但我已经走出来了 It sucks because I've been there too, and I've gone out over it...
我回来了 就像 我有很多作为一个幸存者的愧疚 and I came back, like, I've had a lot of survivor's guilt,
你们知道 我看着我的很多朋友都死了 and you know, I've seen a lot of my friends die.
你看着你的女儿经历艰难的事 You've seen your daughter go through some tough things.
因为我吸毒 我的女儿也被带走 I've got my daughter taken away from me because of heroin.
这听起来很残酷 但你得自私点 I mean, it's gonna sound really harsh, but you need to be selfish,
因为你能给你女儿提供什么 because what do you have to offer to your daughter
跟现在的世界相比？ 什么也没有 versus the world right now? Absolutely nothing.
直到你把自己调整好了 Until you get right with yourself.
我一败涂地 你知道吗？ I failed big time, you know?
她只有三岁 伙计 She's three years old, man.
我搞砸了 And already got fucked with.
我应该阻止这件事的 I'm supposed to stop that.
我聊不下去了 I can't do this no more.
你们去开导开导他 Get him up there.
我很好奇 想问问你们现在的感受 I'm curious to ask how you guys are feeling right now.
我也遇到过他现在的境遇 不完全一样 我... I've been in that exact situation. Not exactly, like, I've...
我也有曾想要放弃的时候 I got to the point where I wanted to leave,
但我又有点想留下 而最后我还是离开了 but I wanted to stay and I ended up leaving.
我最后又复发了 又经历了四次 你知道吗 I ended up relapsing, ODed another four times, you know?
嗯 但这是出于那个原因吗？ Yeah, but was it because of that reason?
-不完全是 -因为你的孩子被骚扰了？ -Not exactly. -That your child was molested?
-不 但我被强奸了 -那真的会对人造成伤害 -No, but I've been raped. -That takes a toll on someone.
我六岁的时候就被强奸了 所以我感同身受 I was raped when I was six years old, so I feel the situation.
兄弟 我们不应该比惨 We should not compare war stories, brother.
这不是比惨 而是真实的经历 It's not a war story, it's an experience.
不是说谁经历了更可怕的事 It's not who goes through the more horrible thing.
我们都过着自己的生活 We all go through life on life's terms.
-不是吗？ -是的 -Right? -Yeah.
我只是觉得 几乎是松了一口气 I just feel, like, a sense of relief almost
他把它说出来了 外面也听得到 that he's got it off his chest, it's out in the open.
现在他能应付了 他能去感受这种情绪 他说出来了 Now he can deal with it. He's feeling the emotion. It's out.
新来的家伙是谁？哪一个是新来的？ Who's the new guy? Which one's the new guy?
应该是那个留着头发和胡子的家伙 I would probably say the guy with the hair and the beard.
穿着一件感恩而死乐队的T恤 应该就是他 Grateful Dead shirt, most likely, probably.
老嘻皮士 Old hippie dude.
他是我们第一个直接从街头带来的住客 He's the first guy that we've had that's come right off the street,
大概在到达这里的几个小时内还吸食过毒品 presumably used within hours of getting here,
所以我认为他会是一个挑战 so I think he's going to be a challenge,
因为我们之前见过的每一个人都至少有过清醒的时刻 'cause every other guy we've seen has had some sober time.
这是一个狡猾的家伙 This was a wily one, man.
-把她抱起来 -好的 - Pick her up. - Yeah.
暂时就选她吧 开始吧 Pick her up temporarily. There you go.
他真的是在努力工作 He's definitely detoxing hard and stuff,
带来了全新的氛围 所以 and it brings a whole new atmosphere, so...
我感到了他的痛苦 伙计 I feel his pain, man.
-嗯 是的 我们都经历过 -我绝对感受到了他的痛苦 -Hmm? Yeah, we've all been through it. -Definitely feel his pain.
我们大多数人都经历过 Most of us have been through it.
发抖 戒断 呕吐 腹泻 Shakes, withdrawals, throwing up, diarrhea...
大小便失禁 Shitting itself.
-从热汗到冷汗 -是的 -The hot to cold sweats. -Yeah.
-基本上就像你得了流感 -关节疼痛 -Basically like you got the flu. -Joints aching,
每当你活动时就像有人用刀刺你的关节一样 like someone's stabbing you with a knife in all your joints every time you move.
一周后
我不想在最上面 I don't want to be on top.
他们全都下楼了 Then I'll go. I'll go downstairs.
丰收时刻 Harvest hour.
给自己一点空间 Get yourself some room.
把干草拿下来放这里 Take them off, right here.
-一个星期没有碰过毒品 -该死 -One week clean. -Damn.
干得好 老兄 Good job, man.
干得好 伙计 Good job, buddy.
一个星期过去了 还有五个月零三个星期 One week down, five months and three weeks left.
是不是？ Ain't that the truth?
是的 Yep...
然后是一辈子 and then a whole lifetime.
想像一下一个月后他会是什么样子 Where do you see him in a month from now?
强壮的二头肌 Big old biceps.
我可能会变成李小龙那样或其他什么人 反正是会变强壮的 I might turn out like Bruce Lee or something, I'll still be strong.
好的 All right...
-要把裤腿收进靴子里？ -是的 -You put 'em over your pants? -Yeah.
你还没见过瑞恩是吗？ You haven't met Ryan yet, have you?
-没有 瑞恩 很高兴见到你 -很高兴见到你 -No. Ryan, glad to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
他们都是母的吗 Are they all girls or what?
-是啊 -你能分辨出来吗 -Yeah. -Can you tell them apart?
我敢肯定所有母的都有乳头 对吧？ I'm sure all the girls got nipples, right?
-抓住脏的那只 -过来 猪 - Get the dirty one! - Come here, hog.
抓住他 抓住他 Get him! Catch him!
到了一个阶段 我就像是 天哪 我不知道如何过我的生活 There came point, I was like, "Holy fuck, I have no clue how to live my life.
我是一个充满恐惧又以自我为中心的痛苦的人 I'm a ball of fear and self-centered misery,
焦虑症 anxiety attacks,"
然后我会想 如果我的所作所为 but then it was like, "If these are the things I've done
让我陷入了痛苦 绝望 伤害了我所爱的每一个人 that have led me to misery, despair, hurt everyone I love,
让我一事无成 I've accomplished nothing,
如果我反其道而行会怎么样 what if I do the opposite of what I used to do,
那样的我又会是什么感受 how would I feel then?"
你只要把他翻过来 我会抓住他 You just wanna roll him over. I'll hold him.
只会痛一下下 It's only gonna hurt for a second.
把他的蛋蛋拉起来 Start pulling his nuts up through...
感觉一下 一定要抓住两个 Feel. Make sure you got both.
-是的 -两个蛋蛋 -Yep. -Two nuts.
好了 伙计 There you go, buddy.
不会伤害到他的 Won't hurt him.
一头牛 我一生中从来没有抱过一头奶牛 A cow. I've never picked up a cow in my life.
别这样 别踢我了 这家伙有点重 Come on. Don't kick me. Sucker's a little heavy.
我只是想把我们当作人看 不管怎样 I just like to think of us as human beings, no matter what.
我们生来就是人 We're born human beings.
我们死时也是人 我们并不完美 We're going to die human beings, we're not perfect,
但我们不是有缺陷的 and we're not defective.
有缺陷的产品会被扔进垃圾桶 你们明白我的意思吗？ Defective products get thrown in the trash. You know what I mean?
就没人用他们了 They get discontinued.
我读过一本书 说耻辱这个词来源于希腊语 I read this one book that said the word "stigma" comes from Greek,
他们过去常常给人们脸上打上烙印 and they used to brand people in the face
作为被整个社会轻视的种姓的标记 for being a certain caste that was looked down upon by society.
当你吸毒成瘾时 And when you're a drug addict, I mean, like,
你会用某种特定的方式打扮自己 你看起来就是某种样子 you dress a certain way, you look a certain way.
就像是 纹身之类的东西 I mean, the tattoos, everything like that,
人们看你一眼 然后就评判你 and people take one look at you and judge you.
所以我能理解为什么人们会想要改变这种看法 So I can see why people would want to change that perception.
可能是我将来也想做的事 Might be something I want to work on in the future.
现在我只想专注于内部的东西 你知道吗？ Right now I do want to just focus on the inside stuff, you know?
也许以后再处理外部的东西 我不知道 Maybe the outside stuff will come later on. I don't know.
这很有趣 看看这些照片 它们很搞笑 It's pretty funny. Look at these pictures. They're hilarious.
这是所有性传播疾病的来源 电影院 Like, this is where all STDs come from, is a movie theater.
所以 So...
吃吃薯片 喝喝水 确保你了解你的伴侣 Make sure you get to know your partner over chips and a glass of water.
保持冷静 谨慎决定 Keep your cool, stay in control of your decisions.
限制你喝的酒量 Limit the amount of alcohol you drink.
哎哟 Whoops.
这里讲的是衣须 淋病 This is for chlamydia, gonorrhea,
人类乳头瘤病毒 甲肝 乙肝和丙肝 HPV, hepatitis A, B and C
还有人类免疫缺陷病毒 and HIV,
最后会讲到艾滋病 and AIDS we'll be touching later.
这有点刺激 有点可怕 So yeah, it's kinda strenuous, kinda scared.
我清楚地记得 我去了我朋友的家 I remember very distinctly, I went to my buddy's house,
他还是一个毒贩 我坐在那里 also a dealer, and I was sitting there.
那好像是 我第一次和他一起注射毒品 It was, like, the first time I ever went over to shoot up with him,
他说“顺便说一下 我和我的妻子有丙型肝炎” and he was like, "By the way, me and my wife have hep C,"
我说 酷 and I was like, "Cool."
我甚至都不在乎 I didn't even care. Like, it was...
70%的静脉注射吸毒者都有丙型肝炎 70% of all IV users have hep C.
所以 我不知道 So... and, like, I don't know...
这就像 十个人中有七个人 That's, like, seven people out of ten.
我们这里有五个静脉注射的 We have five IV users here,
所以 至少 so it's, like, at least...
我认为我是五个中的70% I think it's 70% of five,
所以 我们这有三分之一的人会得丙型肝炎 so, like, three and a half of us will have hep C.
-我见过这块板 老兄 -你喜欢吗 -I've just seen this board, man. -You like that?
我喜欢 太棒了 I do. It's awesome.
-你打算插几根蜡烛 -你觉得呢 兄弟 -How many will you put in there? -What do you think, bro?
他22岁 但我不认为我们有22根蜡烛 He's 22, but I don't think we got 22.
三振出局 你出局了 Three strikes, you're out.
悠着点 Easy!
给亚当的母亲打电话
生日快乐 Happy birthday.
在做什么？ What's up?
没什么 在等你的电话 Nothing, been waiting for your call.
我给我爸打了电话 这是个糟糕的决定 I called my dad, bad decision.
他一开始就讲 我不会给你工作的 He started the conversation with, "I'm not giving you a job."
那是他跟我说的第一件事 That's, like, the first thing that came out of his mouth.
而不是“你好吗 我真的为你感到骄傲”？ Not "How are you doing? I'm really proud of you."
哦 可不是 Oh, no.
你必须问这个问题吗 真是的 I mean, you have to ask that? I mean, come on now.
至少他说他 At least he said he'd...
我也不知道他怎么突然这样 Yeah, I don't know where it came from.
他说 我有时会想起你 He was like, "I think about you sometimes."
我说 哇 I was like, "Wow."
哇 Wow.
见鬼 Holy shit.
但是 But that...
那就是全部了 So that was about the gist of that.
我很抱歉 真是令人讨厌 I'm sorry. That just stinks.
但不管怎样 今天是我的生日 所以去他妈的 But anyway, it's my birthday, so fuck that.
对 没错 Yeah, exactly.
我已经很久很久没有见到你了 I haven't really seen you for a long, long, long time.
是的 Yes.
有一段时间了 It's been a while.
我真不敢相信你的手臂那么粗了 I can't believe how big your arms are.
我和其他几个人每天都劳作 Me and a couple other guys work out, like, every day.
那太好了 That's great.
-我们会爬绳子上去 -那里很高 -We climb on the rope. -That's high up there.
我喜欢这里的屋顶 I love the ceilings in here.
你带烟了吗 You have a cigarette on you?
我带了 但我不确定我想不想给你 I do, but I don't know if I wanna give you one,
因为你说过你很久没抽烟了 'cause you said you were doing really good not smoking.
-我说过 -所以我不想 -I have. -So I don't wanna...
我有时一天抽三支烟 I smoke three cigarettes a day sometimes.
我不想 I don't want to...
鼓励你那样做 encourage that.
所以 很高兴 很高兴 So, so happy. So happy.
自从他14岁的时候 他身体看起来就没那么好了 He hasn't looked this good since he's probably been 14 years old, health-wise.
看起来状态非常棒 You know what I mean? Just looks absolutely fantastic.
是的 我一直在吃这个 Yeah, I've been eating them.
告诉我这到底是不是一个熊洞 Tell me if this ain't a bear cave and a half.
这是我所见过的最好的熊洞 That's the best bear den I've ever seen.
封不住 去他妈的 Can't duct it, fuck it.
西维吉尼亚之铬在此 West Virginia chrome right there.
没错 Got that right.
这帐篷够大吗 Is that a big one?
够大 宫殿级别的 Yeah, we're golden.
泰姬陵 宝贝 Taj Mahal, baby.
好的 做你该做的 All right, do what you gotta do.
-做你该做的 -嘿 这上面的铃铛 -Do what you gotta do... -Hey, the rings on this...
我打电话给我妈妈 I called my mom,
她的狗刚刚去世了 and her dog just died,
她的房子出了点问题 and she's having some problems with the house,
她真的很强调 她不喜欢看到我 and she really stressed that she didn't like looking at me
头发蓬乱 所以 with unkempt hair, and so...
芥末在哪儿 Where's that mustard at?
进入戒毒所三个月后 杰夫的女儿来探望他了
嘿 你们还好吗？ Hey, how are you doing?
爸爸 我给你买了件礼物 Daddy, I got you a present.
一只猴子 A monkey?
哦 是的 Oh, yeah.
我们又有了一个新宝宝 We got a new baby.
小绵羊宝宝 We got baby sheep.
站着别动 我一个一个地把你们扶下来 Stay here with me. I'll lift you down one by one.
跳 Jump.
-你们听到了吗 -是的 它就在那里面吗？ - You hear it? - Yeah, it's in there?
在这里 过去看看 In here. Come look.
看里面 Look in there.
-嘿 -你好 宝贝 - Aww. - Hi, baby.
-太可爱了 -是啊 - That's so cute. - Yeah.
哇 太可爱了 Aww! That's so cute!
亲我一下 亲我一下 Give me a kiss. Give me a kiss.
爸爸 我希望你... Daddy, I wish you'd...
-爸爸不能 -你为什么一定要待在这里 - Daddy can't. - Why do you have to stay here?
再待一段时间 好吗 Just a little while longer, okay?
然后爸爸就回来接你们 好吗 And then Daddy come back and get you, okay?
-你保证 -我保证 - You promise? - I promise.
但是为什么你会哭呢 But why do you got your tears?
因为我高兴才哭 They're happy tears.
-快乐的眼泪 -是的 快乐的眼泪 - Happy tears? - Yeah, happy tears.
但是你很沮丧 But you're upset.
快乐的泪水 宝贝 我爱你们 Happy tears, baby. I love you.
她们走的时候很难受 你懂吗？ It's rough when they go. You know what I mean?
苦等五个月很不容易 五个月是很长的一段时间 伙计 Tough waiting five months. Five months is a long time, man.
太长了 Too long.
但是 杰夫 这是参加项目的代价 那样她们才会有一个 But, Jeff, this is the work it takes so that they have a dad
清醒的 快乐的 自由的爸爸 知道吗？ who's sober and happy and free, you know?
她们会失去你的 如果你... They'll lose you if, you know...
如果你不花功夫的话 There's nothing certain about your recovery
很难保证你会康复 不是吗？ if you don't do the work, right?
那样她们就会没有爸爸 你明白我的意思吗？ So then they'll have nobody, you know what I mean?
这就是为什么你现在所做的事情是如此重要 That's why doing what you're doing is so important.
今天是令人伤心的 但也很高兴她们见到了你 Today, it's sad, but it's also, like, really happy that they have you.
她们有一个清醒健康的父亲 They got a clean dad.
-这就是我所说的 快乐的眼泪 -是的 -That's what I call it, happy tears. -Yeah.
我想告诉她们 但我只说我很高兴 I wanted to tell them. I said I was just happy.
看到她们走了很伤心 Sad to see them go,
但是很高兴她们来看我 but happy that they came.
是的 Yeah.
快乐的眼泪 Happy tears.
这是一个新的开始 It's a new one.
是的 Yeah.
如果你们想得到免费纳洛酮来挽救生命 If you want to get free Naloxone to help save a life,
请下去登记 please go down and sign up,
我们将在这次活动之后进行培训 and we'll do the training after this event.
每个人都会免费得到价值3600美元的自动注射器 Everybody will walk away then with a $3,600 auto injector kit for free.
今天大家齐聚于此 举办首届 Today, here we are, hosting the very first
西维吉尼亚州滥毒认知日悼念活动 West Virginia Overdose Awareness Day tribute.
我们不希望他们被遗忘 We do not want them to be forgotten.
我们失去他们的那一刻正是 The moment we lost them was just that...
一瞬间 one moment.
我们的上帝 我们现在来到你身边 Our God, we come to you now,
在我们寻找解决办法时 asking that you be with us as we struggle
要求你和我们在一起 to find solutions.
与我们同在 给我们力量 Be with us as we get the strength
打赢这场战斗 to fight the battle.
安德鲁·普莱奥 25岁 Andrew Placo, 25.
罗斯·阿莱罗 51岁 Rose Alero, 51.
克鲁兹·谢泼德 23岁 Cruz Shepherd, 23.
帕特里克 38岁 Patrick, 38.
詹姆斯·布兰登·伯德 29岁 James Brandon Burdet, 29.
乔纳森 Jonathan...
我很高兴那两个家伙走出阴影了 I like how two guys came up with their shades down.
你可以看出他们嗨了 但至少他们来了 You could tell they were high, but at least they came.
-是啊 -这证明了些什么 -Yeah. -It says something.
是的 Yeah.
这是要让大家提高关于毒品过量的意识 所以 It's about raising overdose awareness, so...
谁在乎他们是否嗨 至少他们来了 伙计 Who cares if they're high? At least they're here, man.
他们在努力 They're trying.
汤姆斯·谢瑞雷 Thomas Surelle.
马特·布朗 Matt Brown.
特拉维斯·库加 38岁 Travis Cougar, age 38.
真不敢相信他们念到的一个孩子只有16岁 Can't believe that one kid's name they read was 16.
希利亚·贝叶斯 27岁 Shelia Bayes, 27.
-你好吗？ -很好 - How you doing? - Good.
-我们带来了点东西 -你们会认不出他的 -We brought goods. -You won't even recognize him.
太令人兴奋了 他怎么样了 That's exciting. How's he doing?
-他做得很好 非常好 -好 -He's doing great. Absolutely great. -Good.
啊 Ahh!
看看你 伙计 Look at you, man.
很高兴见到你 Good to see you.
过来 让我们一起拥抱一下 Come here. Let's get a group hug going.
-你好吗 兄弟？ -没什么特别的 -What's up, bro? -Not much.
你看起来像威利·纳尔逊 老兄 You look like Willie Nelson, man.
-听起来不错 -让我看看你 -Sounds good. -Let me see you.
-你晒黑了 -是的 -You got some sun. -Yeah.
-有些肌肉了 -有一点 -Got some muscles. -A little bit.
-是啊 -肌肉很结实 -Yeah. -Some tone back.
有个小窍门 伸出你的手 Here's a trick. Hold out your hand.
好 Yeah.
这个人 This guy...
真的很好 今年很好 That was actually pretty good. It was this year.
-真的吗 -是的 - Really? - Yeah.
-看看你 -不错的地方 - Look at you. - Gorgeous place.
-别说了 -好 - Stop it. - Yep...
好吧 我不说了 我们是来这里玩的 别光笑 All right, I'll stop it. We're here to hang out. Not just smile.
我对爱有一种很混乱的感觉 I had a really fucked-up perception of what love was.
我对其他人态度很糟糕 I just treated people like shit.
就好像 去他妈的爱 我真的不太在乎 You're like, "Fuck love." I don't really care about it.
对我来说并不重要 我一直觉得爱只是一种构想 It's not that important to me. I thought maybe it's just a construct.
就像是一个人的构想 并不实际存在 You know, like a human construct. Like, it doesn't exist.
人们只是说他们爱你 所以他们可以利用你或其他任何东西 People just say they love you so they can use you or whatever.
现在看起来爱是存在的 像空气和水等等 And now it just seems like this thing that exists, like air, water, whatever.
就像一种元素 Like, it's like an element.
我觉得你生活在真实世界就能感受到 I guess you gotta be living in the real world to feel it.
我已经很久没有在现实世界中生活了 所以有点奇怪 I haven't been in the real world for a long time, so kinda weird,
但这是一件好事 but it is a good thing.
对吧 这就是我的感想 Right? That's all I got.
谢谢你 莱恩 Thank you, Ryan.
好 Yeah.
这就是我们要做的 That's what we're doing?
安德鲁今天来找我 Andrew came to me today,
跟我说谷仓舞会的事 说他们要去喝酒 let me know that the barn dance, they're gonna have alcohol,
对我来说 这和这个项目有冲突 which to me, creates a conflict.
我很担心这件事 I'm concerned about it.
一方面 我知道你们工作都很努力 On one hand, I know you guys have worked hard,
我知道去舞会 你们都很兴奋 I know you guys are excited about going to the dance,
另一方面 那里会有酒 and on the other hand, there's going to be alcohol there,
你们很多人 你们所有人都是新人 and a lot of you guys, all you guys are pretty new,
有些人是真的才刚来 and some guys are really new.
如果能至少参加一些真实生活中的场合 To be able to go in a real life situation somewhat,
我认为这可能是件好事 I think it could be good.
我个人是不想去的 I don't personally want to go.
这是奥罗拉谷仓舞会 This is the Aurora Barn Dance.
我们去那 有很多人会不喜欢我们 We're gonna be there with a bunch of people that probably don't like us,
这将会很尴尬 and it's just gonna be awkward.
对不起 亚当 康复中心有20个人可以去 I'm sorry, Adam, but there could be 20 people there in recovery.
我们不知道谁能去 谁不能 Like, we don't know who's gonna be down there and who's not.
我不想把人分三六九等 说他们都是混蛋 I can't just pigeonhole everyone and say they're all a bunch of assholes
就因为他们不喜欢我们 不是这样的 that don't like us. Like, that's not true.
我也是来这里寻求快乐的 I'm here to have fun, too.
对我来说 毒品和酒精不是快乐的东西 Drugs and alcohol to me are the opposite of fun.
对很多人来说 这听起来像是扯淡 It may sound like bullshit to a lot of people,
但在我的生活中我体会过它们带来的痛苦 but I had gotten to a point in my life where it wasn't fun.
这他妈的是一件苦差事 It was a fucking chore.
但我认为重要的是我们去到这个活动 But I think it's just important we don't walk into this dance or anywhere else,
心里想 “我很强大 我已经好几天没有碰毒品了 所以我今天也不会吸毒” saying, "I'm powerful, I got some days, therefore, I'm not going to get high."
这是扯淡 一念之差我们就可能做错事 It's bullshit. Any of us are one thought away.
-我们走吧 -走到最前面去 -Let's go. -Go to the front.
-不 -到最前面去 -No. -Go to the front.
-别管我了 -来吧 我和你一起去 -Leave me be. -Come on, I'll go with you.
耶 Yeah!
我要去那 我需要有人来教我跳舞 I'll go up there. I need someone to make me dance.
-感觉不太好 不是吗 -嗯 -Feel out of place, don't you? -Yeah, I do.
但你需要挑战它 因为你没有格格不入 伙计 Yeah, but you gotta challenge it 'cause you're not out of place, dude.
我们需要有人走上前来 We need people on the floor.
这是一个非常简单的舞蹈 This is a very simple, simple dance.
选择一个伴侣 Just pick a partner.
-快 伙计 去吧 -去吧 莱恩 -Come on, dude. Go. -Go ahead, Ryan.
-开始了 -我是莱恩 -There you go. -I'm Ryan.
很高兴见到你 Nice to meet you.
-我是拉什 -我是黛比 -I'm Rush. -I'm Debbie.
-很高兴见到你 黛比 -我也是 -Nice to meet you, Debbie. -You, too.
小子 去找个伴吧 Son, just go pick a partner.
就是这样 你们这些家伙 上来吧 This is it, you guys. Come on up!
这里有女士需要舞伴 来吧 There are some ladies here that need someone. Come on.
现在手拉手 围成一圈 Now join your hands and circle out.
现在往右边走 Now back to the right.
围着你的舞伴转圈 Swing your honey once around.
还有漫步 And promenade.
好的 四个一起来 Okay, all four.
恩 随便啦 Well, whatever!
一号舞蹈搭档 向右 Couple number one, out to the right.
向右走 Go right on.
杰夫 你引起了很大的混乱 Jeff, you're causing major confusion.
这是我在很长一段时间里做过的最开心的事 This is the most fun I've had in a long time.
谢谢你们的舞蹈 可以坐下了 I want to thank you guys for dancing. You can go and sit down.
布兰肯希普博士正在雅各布之梯旁边建造一间清醒生活馆
你打算什么时候让这个地方完工 When do you want this place ready by?
几周后吧 Couple weeks.
好的 Yeah.
老实说 虽然说它叫一间清醒馆 Honestly though, even if it was a sober house,
我们在这里戒毒的期间还在装修它 所以它也不完全是 and we were still working on it while we lived here, it wouldn't be...
乔治准备把厨房搞定了 Jorge is getting the kitchen done...
每个人都想在雅各布之梯项目结束之后继续留在这个地方 Everyone wants to stay in this area when they finish Jacob's Ladder,
所以我们购买了一处房产 现在正准备完成装修 and so we purchased a property, we're finishing it up,
因此 对于这些人来说 这是一个可以让他们清醒的生活环境 so that it can be a sober living setting for these guys.
如果他们能在社区找到工作 他们就想继续留在这 If they can get jobs in the community and they want to stay here,
继续做他们正在做的事 that keeps them connected to what they're doing already.
-你累了吗？ -是的 -Are you tired? -Yes.
-你一直在刮？ -是的 一直 -You've been scraping? -A lot.
我每天都在担心那些离开这里回家去的人 I worry every day about these guys leaving here and going back home,
回到他们以前的游乐场 联系上以前的好友 getting back to the playground and to the friends
以及他们过去做过的一切 and all the things that they used to get into.
他们在这里相当于是度过了一个迷你假期 When they're here, there's a little vacation
让他们考虑原来生活中所遇到的混乱 from all the chaos of their lives that they got themselves into,
他们将回到现实世界 and they're gonna go back to the real world.
我们努力让他们做好准备 We're trying to get them ready for it.
这是一个很好的开始 仅此而已 It's a great start here, that's what it is.
我的意思是 我们没有承诺过他们离开的时候一定会是什么状态 I mean, nothing's promised when a guy leaves our program.
-我是一个叫杰夫的瘾君子 -杰夫 - I'm an addict named Jeff. - Jeff.
我是两个女孩的父亲 I'm a father of two girls,
我的毒瘾把我从一个好人 and my addiction took over a good person
变成了一个怪物 可以这么说 and turned me into a monster, I can say.
以前我不在乎我伤害了谁 And I didn't care who I hurt, man.
我不在乎我必须要做什么 I didn't care what I had to do.
家庭支离破碎 Tearing families apart,
毁了我的生活 ruining lives, man.
我想要一种新的生活方式 我希望我每天起床都是头脑清醒的 I want that new way of life. I remember every day when I wake up.
不管怎样今天别吸 不要拿 Just don't use today, no matter what. Don't pick up.
但这就是我成长的环境 我只知道做这个 But that's all I grew up around, you know? That's all I know.
我的家人都在吸 我所有的朋友也都在吸 It's all my family does, it's all my friends do.
基本上 我在的整个城镇都在吸 你们知道吗 Basically, my whole town does it, you know?
这个 And that's...
我不知道有可以清醒回家的人 I don't know a sober person back home.
这让我有点害怕 你们知道吗？ It kind of scares me, you know?
这就是我想说的 Yeah, that's all.
-谢谢 杰夫 -谢谢 我真的很感激 - Thanks, Jeff. - Thanks. I really appreciate that.
快点 伙计 团队合作让梦想成真 Come on, man. Teamwork makes the dream work.
好了 There we go.
-团队合作使梦想成真 -确实如此 -Teamwork makes the dream work? -It did.
六个月前 我在地区监狱里挑中了杰夫 I picked Jeff up six months ago down at the regional jail.
他从拐角处跑过来 He came running around the corner
他的所有家当都在他手里 with all his worldly possessions in his hands,
他看着我 他以前从未见过我 and he looked at me. He'd never met me before,
他说 在他们改变主意之前 我们赶紧离开这里 and he said, "Let's get out of here before they change their mind."
我叫杰夫老爸爸 Man, I call Jeff "old dad."
是的 他比我年轻 Yeah, he's younger than me,
但他有智慧 but he's got the wisdom...
而这正是我需要的 ...that I needed.
我很高兴他坚持下来了 因为我爱这个人 我真的爱他 I'm glad he's sticking around 'cause I love this guy, I really do.
是啊 这个时候很难不情绪化 Yeah. It's hard not to get emotional.
我真的会想念这个地方的 我想谢谢你 布博士 I'm really gonna miss this place. I wanna say thanks to you, Dr. B.
你听我把话说完 听了我的故事 你带我进来 给我机会 You heard me out, listened to my story and you took me in and gave me a chance.
-谢谢 老兄 -我爱你 伙计 -Thanks, man. -I love you, buddy.
-我爱你 -我也是 - I love you. - Me too.
我想感谢大家的到来 I wanna thank everybody for coming out,
帮助我们庆祝亚当的毕业 helping us celebrate Adam's graduation.
我是莱斯利 亚当的妈妈 I'm Leslie. I'm Adam's mom.
对我们来说 这是漫长的几年 It's been a long few years for us.
我为你感到骄傲 I am so proud of you,
你投入的所有努力都是值得的 and all the hard work that you put into yourself is really paying off,
我为你感到非常骄傲 and I could not be more proud.
我真的非常爱你 I just love you to death.
我真的不擅长演讲 伙计们 但是 I'm really not good with speeches, guys, but...
这是一条漫长的道路 伙计 It's been a long road, man.
真的很长 It's been a long road.
我学到了朋友是什么 你们知道吗？ I've learned what a friend is, you know?
因为我以前不知道 'Cause I didn't know,
现在我手上有了更多的东西可以依靠 and now I have more than I can count on both of my hands.
雅各布之梯清醒生活馆
在戒毒所待了六个月后 亚当、拉什、杰夫一起住在雅各布之梯生活馆里
亚当在一个煤矿当焊接工
拉什在煤矿里负责机械保养
杰夫 醒醒 Jeff, wake up.
快点 起来开车了 Come on, it's time to drive.
我准备好了 I'm ready.
杰夫成了雅各布之梯的司机
一旦你到了煤矿 就不允许播放说唱了 Not allowed to play rap once you get to the coal mine.
但我们不在乎 But we don't give a fuck.
在过去的两天里 我有些抑郁 I had some depression the last two days.
只是 我不知道 我不知道怎么了 Just, I don't know. I don't know what it was.
就是很消沉 Just was down.
我就是很悲哀 "Woe is me."
显然这里还在建设中 Obviously it's still under construction.
你知道 在这里我们并没有玩得很开心 You know, it's not like we have the most fun here.
昨晚我和那个女孩出去玩了 她真他妈的奇怪 I hung out with that girl last night. She's fucking weird.
你知道 很紧 You know, tight.
-没有下次了 -没有下次了 -Never again. -Never again.
这里很无聊 It's boring up here.
真的无聊 Really boring.
我每天早上4点起床 送亚当去上班 I get up at four o'clock every morning, take Adam to work.
晚上4点去接他 Pick him up at four o'clock in the evening.
在这里那里约会几次 很多时候出去吃 这就是我所做的 Go on a couple of dates here and there, eat out a lot, that's all I do.
我为那个人工作 斯科特 I work for that guy, Scott,
他就在我面前抽大麻 and he fucking was smoking weed in front of me.
他抽大麻并没有使我感到困扰 It didn't bother me that he was smoking weed.
不管怎样 我不吸大麻了 也不喝酒了 Weed ain't my thing anyways. Drinking ain't my thing.
但如果有一克的毒品 也许会... But if there was a gram of dope, it probably would have been...
如果他坐在那里猛敲一些毒品 我可能会 If he was sitting there banging some dope, I'd probably be like...
你明白我的意思吗？ You know what I mean?
每次我坐进拖车或者小汽车里 My thing is when I get in the truck or the car,
我会放些音乐 and I put on some music...
就是在路上开车的时候 You know what I mean? Just driving down the road.
我就会觉得我需要抽一支大麻烟 I feel like I need to smoke a fat blunt.
就觉得事情应该是这样的 'Cause that's just what I do.
谢谢大家 感谢大家的到来 Thanks, everybody, for coming out.
这是一个特殊的日子 这是我们的特别居民 今天毕业了 It's a special day, and this is a special resident that we're graduating today.
如果每个项目都必须有一颗心的话 那就是莱恩 If every program has to have a heart, that's Ryan.
莱恩就是这个项目的核心 Ryan's the heart of this program.
莱恩 如果你有什么话想对他们说 Ryan, if there's anything you'd like to say to the folks...
我会把一切都变成感恩的话题 I turn everything into the topic of gratitude.
好吗 Okay?
我生命中的每一天 我都会继续 Every day of my life, I'm going to continue
向你们表达感激之情 to show you gratitude,
对雅各布之梯的感谢 Jacob's Ladder gratitude.
我爱每个人 I just love everyone
愿意付出一切帮助 that has anything to do with helping people
在社会上被看不起的那些人 that everybody else in society looks down on.
这真是太神奇了 And just... it's amazing.
难以置信 It's really incredible,
世界上没有很多像这样的地方 and there is not a lot of places like this on the planet.
这是一个特别的地方 This is a special fucking place.
每个来到这里的人都有机会 Everyone that comes here has an opportunity
很多人都得不到的机会 that a lot of people don't get.
现在外面的某个人正在死去 Someone out there is dying right now.
你们知道吗？ You know?
太可怕了 It's horrible.
这种事情一直在发生 It's gonna keep happening,
但我们再也不是问题的一部分了 but we don't have to be part of the problem anymore.
你们知道吗 我们不是 You know? We don't.
就像这样 我们拥有现在的美好生活 Like, this is it. This is life today.
这就是我们所得到的 And that's all we got.
我的钥匙在这里 听到了吗 My keys right there, you hear that?
哦 听起来不错 Ooh, sounds nice.
我想门就在这 I think it's this door right here.
我认为柜台空间很好 伙计 I think the counter space is nice, man.
还有洗衣机和烘干机 它还有一个洗衣槽 You got a washer and dryer, too. It's got a laundry chute.
是的 这很好 Yeah, we're good.
很好 没有人在这里留下一瓶氢可酮 We're good. No one left a bottle of Vicodin in here, dude.
我们会没事的 We'll be all right.
你先来 你可以得到更大的房间 You got the place, you get the bigger room.
至少是现在 For now.
一天晚上 我和乔伊谈了我康复治疗后的计划 Me and Joey had a talk one night about my aftercare plan,
他说他很自信 and he said he thought he was somewhat confident
我可以靠自己生活 也许会过得更好 that I could live on my own and probably be better off,
不用非得在一个组织的环境中 not having to be in a structured environment,
只要我有一个好的支持团队 所以 as long as I had a good support group, so...
这是个很好的社区 在这康复真的不错 There's a really good community of recovery here.
我认为你会很快适应的 I think that you'll fit right in, too.
就是这样 会很好的 This is it, man. It's gonna be nice.
是的 已经很不错了 Yeah, it's already nice.
哦 天哪 Oh, God.
你看起来完全不一样了 你看起来棒极了 You look like a totally different person. You look great.
好的 令人满意 负责任而且富有成效 All right, acceptable, responsible and productive.
我不想下床 I don't wanna get out of bed.
我要在杯子里尿尿 I gotta go pee in a cup.
我的人生故事 Story of my life.
整天在杯子里小便 You piss in cups all day.
我必须尿在杯子里 I have to pee in a cup.
我听到传言 是关于杰夫喝酒的 I've heard rumors. It was about Jeff drinking.
查德告诉我 他有一天晚上出去了 Chad told me that he had been out one night,
他给了他一个酒精测试器 and he had given him a breathalyzer,
回来后测试器有点偏阳性的结果 and it had come back a little bit positive kind of.
他不确定 He wasn't sure,
但杰夫声称他绝对没有喝酒 but Jeff claimed he definitely didn't drink.
查德打电话给我说 每个人都在担心你的康复 Chad called me and said, "Everybody's worried about your recovery,"
我说 为什么 and I said, "Why?"
他说 你和你的家人一起出去太多次了 He said, "You're hanging back out with your family a lot."
我说 我还是会这样的 And I'm like, "I ain't gonna stop.
为什么你让我停止 我就得停止和他们见面？ Why would I stop 'cause you told me to stop?"
我来这里以后 我就接受了18次毒品测试 I've been drug tested 18 fucking times since I've been up there,
来这里还不到两个月 not even up there two months.
酒精测试都有10次了 就像 Probably breathalyzed ten times. It's like...
其他人都不会这样 And no one else in that whole place up there gets that shit.
就是因为一些奇怪的原因只有我要这样 It's just me for some odd reason.
他们觉得 因为我和妹妹出去玩 就会吸毒 你知道吗？ They think 'cause I'm hanging out with my sister, I'm gonna use. You know?
伙计 如果我想吸 我会吸的 Man, if I want to use, I will go use.
如果我想喝酒 我就会喝的 If I want to drink, I'll go drink.
我选择不这么做 所以 I choose not to, so...
我担心的是更重要的事 I got more important things to worry about.
我担心我的孩子 我的工作 你知道吗？ I freaking worry about my kids. I work, you know?
就像 我做的一切都是对的 别他妈来烦我 It's like, I'm doing everything right, leave me the fuck be.
但他们就是不 But they just don't.
怎么了 杰夫 What's going on, Jeff?
我不知道怎么了 I have no clue what's going on.
我不知道会发生什么事 伙计 I don't know what's gonna happen, man.
这个地方正在变成他妈的表演秀 This place is turning into a fucking shit show.
每个人都搞砸了 互相掩护 Everybody fucked up, covering for each other,
在房子里喝酒 drinking in the house.
做蠢事 Doing dumb shit, man.
我一直在喝酒 被抓了 I've been drinking. Got caught.
我不知道会怎么样 So I don't know what's happening,
但有传闻说他们要把这个地方关了 but the word on the street is that they're shutting this place down.
所以 So...
我想弄清楚 我不确定 to figure it out. I'm not sure.
-克雷格 你来得正好 -是吗 什么正好 -Craig, you're just in time, man. -Yeah? For what?
我们正试图搞清这件事 We're trying to hammer this thing out.
杰夫告诉我和查德 他当时是在一个女人的家里 So what Jeff told Chad and I was that he was at a girl's house.
他在凌晨的时候赶回家 He was coming home in the wee hours of the morning,
车出了马路 撞到了这个人的房子 然后倒车 离开了现场 ran off the road, hit this person's house and then backed up, left the scene.
毫无疑问 他已经复吸了 Unambiguously, he has relapsed.
还有一些人证实 他每天都吸 And other people confirming that this has been daily.
我觉得我们得把他带回来帮助他 I think we could bring him back in here and help him.
你怎么看？ What do you think?
我觉得你没办法把他们所有人都带回来 I don't think you can bring all of them in this residence,
他们现在已经有了吸食的想法 now that they've created a triad of use and...
而且已经复吸了 enabling.
我认为杰夫需要更高层次的康复项目 I think Jeff needs a higher level of care.
问题是：他的女儿们 It begs the question: the kids.
法律规定 He's at a legal point,
如果他不能在接下来的30天内接回女儿 where if he doesn't get them in the next 30 days,
他就永远没有机会了 他会永远失去她们 he doesn't get another shot at 'em. He loses them permanently.
我最害怕的就是这个 如果我们和杰夫坐下来和杰夫谈 That's my biggest fear is if we sit down with Jeff and say,
“你只能这么做” "Here's your only course of action,"
他知道那意味着什么 他知道 he knows what that means, and he knows,
“我永远不能接回女儿们了” 我觉得到了那个地步 "I'll never get my girls back," and I think at that moment,
我们就是在跟杰夫道别了 we just say goodbye to Jeff.
我觉得他明天就会吸毒 一个星期后就会死掉 I think he's shooting up tomorrow and dead in a week.
这是非常现实的事情 That is a very realistic scenario here.
另一方面 你把女儿交给他照顾 The other part of that is you put these girls in his hands...
-我知道 -她们也会死的 - I know. - ...they're going to be dead, too.
你不是在... 你必须... You're not looking... You gotta...
我们能做出的选择都很糟糕 We're looking at a menu of shitty decisions and options,
没有一个是对的 and not one of them is right.
必须做出一个决定 但没一个是对的 One of them has to be made, but not one of them is good.
好的 各位 不管你在哪里 都出来吧 All right, boys. Come out wherever you are.
我向你们道歉 我不够有洞察力 I apologize to you guys that I wasn't insightful enough
我本该知道这对你们来说不是个好主意 to know this wasn't a good idea for you.
我想即使这个地方还没有完工 I thought that even though this wasn't finished,
还没有准备好 还没有经理 and it wasn't ready, and we didn't have a manager,
我以为你们在这个项目里这么久了 I thought that you guys had come so far,
等我们把这里建好 你们都会好好的 that this was going to work out until we got it finished.
所以 你们都处在不利地位 So, you guys were at a disadvantage.
话虽如此 但你们也搞砸了 Having said that, you guys also fucked up.
所以我们都对这里发生的一切都负有一定的责任 So we all share some responsibility in what's going on here.
我们必须一起想办法如何才能让你们安全地进行康复项目 We've got to figure out how can we make you guys safe in your recovery.
这地方显然不行 This place is obviously not it.
这就留给我们想了 接下来我们要做什么呢 So that leaves us with, what are we gonna do next?
亚当已经和克雷格谈过去他要去明尼苏达的事了 Adam, I think, has already talked with Craig about going to Minnesota
去那里清醒地生活 and going to sober living out there,
我认为这对他来说是合适的选择 and I think that that would be an appropriate option for him.
这是你愿意参与的计划吗 Is that a plan you're willing to engage?
-是的 -很好 -Yeah. -Good.
好了 拉什 我们想把这个问题扔给你 All right, Rush, we would like to throw this out at you.
给你重新进入雅各布之梯的机会 The opportunity for you to re-enter Jacob's Ladder
从头开始 and to start at the bottom
重新进入这个项目 and work the program again,
重新开始为自己努力 then start working on yourself over,
如果你想的话 if you'd like to do that.
老实说 我觉得 Honestly, I feel...
我现在感觉比过去几周好多了 I feel better than I have been in the past couple of weeks
因为我再也不需要撒谎了 'cause I don't have to lie about it anymore.
我从来没有停下来 面对种种后果 I've never, ever stuck with it and sat here through the consequences.
我总是逃走 I've always gone.
我的口袋里有钱 现在还有 I had money in my pocket, I still do,
我的第一反应就是跑 and my first instinct was to run.
是的 Yeah.
但我没有 我认为这对我来说是重要的一步 But I didn't, and I think that was a huge step for me.
就像我昨天告诉你的 我为你感到骄傲 伙计 Like I told you yesterday, I'm proud of you for that, man.
那就剩下杰夫了 That leaves us with Jeff.
你的情况很艰难 伙计 Yours is tough, man.
你的问题很棘手 Yours is tough because,
坦白地说 你偏离轨道太多 honestly, the extent of how far off track you went.
我的意思是 你现在回归了你之前的生活 I mean, it's the life you led before.
唯一的区别是你现在还没有开始注射毒品 The only difference is you're not injecting yet.
犯法 撒谎 Breaking the law, lying,
想要什么就拿什么 taking what you want when you want, how you want.
你和你女儿的情况 Your situation with your girls.
我已经给克里斯汀·安托里尼打过电话了 我问她 有商量的余地吗 I've already called Kristen Antolini, and I asked her, "Is there any leeway?"
她必须和法官讨论 She has to talk to the judge,
但是她认为你可以最晚可以延期到1月中下旬 but she thinks you could have until mid-to-late January
为自己找点帮助 to stretch this out and get yourself some help.
问题是 你要从哪里得到帮助 Question is, where are you going to get that help?
你想要什么 杰夫 What do you want, Jeff?
没什么 Nothing.
不要我们的帮助吗 No help with us?
-不要帮助 -我已经搞砸了 老兄 -No help... -I'm already fucked, dude.
我只想要我的女儿们回来 伙计 I just want my girls, dude.
喝酒 我把一切都搞得很糟糕 Drinking, you know what I mean, fucked it all up.
现在我不可能接回她们了 Now I ain't gonna get 'em.
等我再去戒毒出来的时候 By the time I go there and get out,
我已经没有时间找工作 没有能力把她们带回家了 I ain't had no time to get on my feet, get 'em home.
不管怎样 一切都完蛋了 It'll be over with, anyways.
所以我基本上是全都搞砸了 So I'm basically fucked all around,
就因为我喝了一点酒 because I chose to drink a little bit.
我们见过了最好的你和最坏的你 We've seen the best you and the worst,
而现在 我看到的是那个“去他的”版杰夫 and right now, it's like this "fuck it" Jeff.
如果我是你 我不会说“去他的” I don't say, "Fuck it," if I'm you.
我会说“我该怎么办” I say, "What do I do?"
去做眼下最正确的事 Do the next right thing in front of my face
并向上帝祈祷 我们能得到好结果 and hope to God that somehow that we can continue to work this.
就是这样 伙计 This is it, man.
我是说 如果你现在逃避 I mean, if you run away from this right now,
你永远也不能带她们回家 you're never getting them back.
你知道的 You know that.
我已经他妈的厌倦了搬家 I'm tired of fucking moving.
我知道 妈妈 但我是个大男孩了 I know, Mom, but I'm a big boy.
有时我必须经历这些挣扎才能到达彼岸 Sometimes I gotta go through these struggles to get to the other side.
我会试着解决的 妈妈 I mean, I'm gonna try to figure it out, Mom.
嘿 伙计 怎么了 你还好吗？ Hey, man, what's up? How you been, dude?
我知道喝酒是件很严重的事 但这就像... I know drinking's a big fucking deal, you know what I mean, but it's like...
我不知道 我不知道该怎么说 I don't know. I don't know how to say it the right way.
你不该喝酒 对 你就不该喝酒 You shouldn't drink, yeah, you shouldn't, you know?
在你喝酒的时候 就不该做愚蠢的事 You shouldn't do stupid shit, when you've been drinking...
这又不是我们出去吸毒 It's not like we went out and banged dope,
不是去做以前的恶习 went back to the same old shit.
是的 但如果你的生活因为酗酒而变得难以管理 Yeah, but if your life's become unmanageable because of your drinking,
即使只是时间管理 even if it's just scheduling.
即使是不能按时回家 也没有在宵禁前回家 Even if it's just not being on time, not being home for curfew.
即使没有其他的事情发生 喝酒也会让这一切发生 Even if none of the other shit happened, drinking's making that shit happen,
或者是聚会 总体上看哪种生活方式 or partying, the lifestyle in general.
我搬回来和我妈暂时住在一起 I moved back in with my mom for a short period of time,
不去想明尼阿波利斯的事 and forgot about the Minneapolis thing.
我打电话给我的老板 问我是否还能继续上班 I called my boss and asked if I can still have my job,
有没有安排交通和住宿的地方 if I had transportation and a place to stay out here,
他说 是啊 星期一滚回来工作吧 and he said, "Yeah, get your ass back to work Monday.
到时候见 I'll see you then."
那时候我就做了决定 My decision was made right then.
自己付账单 我喜欢这么做 Paying the bills and I like it.
过来 奶牛 Here, cows.
快点 过来 Come on, come here.
-好姑娘 -过来 -Good girl. -Come here!
好 好 Yep, yep!
我以前从来没有工作那么努力过 It's the hardest I've ever worked before.
我不知道该做什么 I don't know what to do.
我迷失在自己的小世界里了 I'm lost in my own little world.
但我最后会走出来的 But I'll figure it out eventually.
祈祷上帝 赐予我们平常心 God, grant us the serenity
接受无法改变的事情 有勇气去改变我们能改变的事情 to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can,
并有智慧去分辨两者的不同 and the wisdom to know the difference.
今天 我请来一位朋友 阅读12个步骤 Just for you today, I've asked a friend to read "The 12 Steps."
我是拉什 我是个瘾君子 I'm Rush and I'm an addict.
嗨 拉什 Hi, Rush.
第一 我们承认我们对付毒瘾无能为力 One, we admitted we were powerless over our addiction,
我们的生活变得难以自我管理 our lives have become unmanageable.
第二 相信比我们本身更强大的力量 Two, came to believe a power greater than ourselves
可以让我们恢复理智 could restore us to sanity.
第八 列出了所有我们伤害过的人的清单 Eight, we made a list of all persons we had harmed,
并甘愿对他们进行补偿 and became willing to make amends to them all.
第九 尽可能直接补偿这些人 Nine, we made direct amends to such people wherever possible,
除非这样做会伤害他们或其他人 except when to do so would injure them or others.
把它给我 你不需要它 Give me that. You don't need it.
我不在乎 你不再需要这个了 I don't care. You don't get no more.
杰夫目前没有工作 与他的丈母娘和两个女儿生活在一起
不 你喝够了 No, you've had enough.
你把它弄得到处都是 我不会再给你了 You done spilled it everywhere. You ain't getting no more.
-我会收拾好的 -我不管你会怎么做 -I'll shut it. -I don't care what you're gonna do.
-做一个火车轨道 -不要 快停下来 -Making a train track. -Don't! Quit!
我只是想要更多的水 I just want more water!
-不 不行 我来做 去 -不 -No you won't. I'll do it. Go! -No!
我还没为此准备好 我没有 I'm nowhere near ready for this. I'm not.
-真恶心 -拿去 - Yuck. - Here.
不然就什么都没得吃 Then don't eat nothing at all.
你不能光选择你想要的 You don't get to pick what you want.
我在铺石膏板 我的老板过来拜访 我女儿也在 I was finishing drywall, and my boss shows up and I have a kid here.
他说 你没去工作吗 我说 没人照看她 He's like, "You going to work?" I said, "I have nobody to watch her."
他就告诉我他不需要我了 And he's basically told me he don't need me.
他砰的一声关上了门 走了 He slammed his door and left.
我得离开这个小镇 伙计 I need to get out of this town, man.
她们在这里很好 They're in a good home here.
有地方住 有车接送 They got a roof over their head, transportation.
有人在意她们 爱她们 Someone feeds them, loves them.
你知道吗？ You know?
我现在还没有这些 I don't got none of that right now.
我得到了她们的爱 仅此而已 I got the love, but that's about it.
所以 You know? So...
自从离开雅各布之梯后 这几天我越来越想吸毒 I thought more about getting high this past day
比以往任何一天都想 than I have since I've been out of Jacob's Ladder.
这就是爱的小屋吗 This the love shack?
是的 让我们关上这扇门 Yeah, let's shut this door.
暖气太贵了 真是难以置信 My heat is so expensive, it's unbelievable.
十天以后就是我入狱一周年的日子 Ten days from now marks my one year that I was in jail.
一年前的我十天之后就会进监狱 I went to jail ten days from today...
嗯 Mm-hmm.
所以这就像是 我的生活完全反转了 ...so it's like, my life is completely flipped around.
-是啊 -我是说 之前我无家可归 -Yeah. -I mean, I was homeless, man.
我和吸毒的人打交道有一段时间了 I've been around the addiction world for a while, and...
我真的注意到你现在看起来更瘦了 You know, I did notice that you look skinnier now.
你明白我的意思吗？ You know what I mean?
我现在很健康 I'm pretty fit right now.
我能跑上九层楼梯 You know what I mean? I can run up nine flights of stairs.
我不知道 我只想过我自己的生活 I don't know. I just want to live my life.
你知道 我有 就像 You know, and I have, like...
有些人到我家来 让我回到雅各布之梯 people showing up at my house asking me to come back to Jacob's Ladder,
因为 你知道 我没能通过大麻的毒品测试 because, you know, I failed a drug test for weed,
这就像 伙计 and it's like, dude...
我就不应该从雅各布之梯买下那辆车 so I should never have bought that car from Jacob's Ladder.
你们没有就验尿测试达成一致吗？ Did you all make an agreement? On taking piss tests
以他们资助你那辆车和其他东西为条件？ with the vehicle and stuff, since he financed it for you?
他让我签了一份合同 随时要对我进行验尿测试 He made me sign a contract that said I had to piss anytime he wants me
他妈的未来两年内 for the next fucking two years.
谁会那么做？ 就为了一辆车？ Who does that? For a car?
-你说的是凯文吗 -是的 -You're talking about Kevin? -Yeah.
所以 他说 你没通过毒品测试 所以我们不能让你保留吉普车 So, he's like, "You failed this drug test. We can't let you keep the jeep."
兄弟 你吸毒了 你知道我在说什么吗 Bro, you did drugs, you know what I'm saying?
你要为你所做的事情负责 Like, take responsibility for what you did.
不 不是这样的 No, that's not it.
不是这样的 兄弟 That's not it, bro.
我不知道该说什么 I don't know what to say, man.
我只想过自己的生活 I just want to live my life.
一切都很好 兄弟 It's all good, man.
但我要告诉你 这里没有什么可做的 I'll tell you what, there is fucking nothing to do up here, though.
是的 我注意到了 Yeah, I've noticed that.
那个Xbox我大概玩了有十亿个小时的时间 That Xbox probably has, like, a billion hours on it right now.
是的 Yeah.
好了 兄弟 我要上路了 All right, brother, I'm gonna hit the road.
-好的 兄弟 -爱你 兄弟 -All right, man. -Love you, dude.
我也爱你 Love you, too.
我永远支持你 兄弟 如果你需要什么 I'm always here for you, man. If you ever need anything,
-打电话给我就好 -我知道你的电话号码 -just hit me up. -I got your number.
如果你现在需要吃药... If you need medicine right now...
杜鹃丸 Cuckoo pill.
瘾君子每天最喜欢的时间 吃药时间 The addict's favorite part of the day. It's medicine time.
拉什 这是你要吃的吗 就一粒？ Rush, is this all you're taking? Just one?
-是的 -每天吃半粒 -Yeah. -"Take half a tablet daily."
是的 我就是吃半粒 Yep. I'm just on half a tablet.
-这本身就是半粒吗 -不 你必须把它切成两粒 -Are these half tablets? -No, you have to cut it in half.
我开始吃抑郁症药物 左洛复 我认为是左洛复 I started depression medication. Zoloft, I think it's Zoloft.
叫左什么的 Something with a Z.
所以我服用了抗抑郁药 因为 没有 So I got on the antidepressants, 'cause, like, there was no...
起起伏伏 就是正常的波动 It was going up, it was going down. You know, normal fluctuation.
就像 It was just like...
我就是再也处理不了了 I just couldn't handle it anymore.
我有些糟糕的想法 杀人 自杀 I had, like, really bad thoughts, homicidal, suicidal.
在我小的时候 我被诊断出临床抑郁症 I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was really young,
但我从来没有真正服药 而是自我治疗 所以 but I never really took medication. I self-medicated instead, so...
现在我就在想 我该怎么做 我不能再自我治疗了 所以 Now I'm like, "What do I do?" I can't self-medicate, so...
我就在想 帮我登记什么 看看行不行 I was like, "Sign me up for something, see how it works."
我很高兴我没有迷失 我被找到了 I'm just glad I'm not lost, and I'm still found.
没人有杰夫的消息 真的 这让我害怕 No one's heard from Jeff, really, so that scares me.
我听说他没有通过一次尿检 I heard he missed a pee test.
我不知道会发生什么 现在发生了什么 So I don't know what's gonna happen, what's going on.
信息MO 22 你所拨打的号码已停用 Message MO 22. The number you have called is no longer in service.
如果您错误地听到这则录音 If you feel you have reached this recording in error,
请核对一下号码 重新拨打 please check the number and dial again.
信息MO 22 Message MO 22.
杰夫的电话打不通 没有人能联系上他
两个多月里 他没有参加缓刑报到和强制性药物检查
嗨 Hi.
你需要... You gotta walk...
-你已经 -如履薄冰 是的 我知道 -You're on... -Thin ice, yeah, I know.
是的 所以 Yeah, so...
全体起立 All rise.
你们可以坐下了 You may be seated.
法官大人 我知道他同意 他做出了一些糟糕的选择 Your Honor. I know that he is in agreement that he made some bad choices,
我认为简单地说 and I think the short of it is that...
因为他做了一些糟糕的选择 他害怕了 because he made a few bad choices, he got scared,
所以没有找我帮忙 and instead of reaching out to help from me,
没有找缓刑官寻求帮助 instead of reaching out to help from probation,
他只是切断了与我们所有人的联系 he just stopped having contact with all of us.
那么你有什么想说的吗 So you have something you wish to say?
我想向法庭为我的行为道歉 I just want to apologize to the court for my behavior,
我做事的方式 我害怕了 the way I acted out. I got scared.
我要向我的缓刑官道歉 因为我没有和他保持联系 I apologize to my probation officer for not keeping in contact.
我觉得我让每个人都失望了 我真的很抱歉 I feel like I let everybody down, and I truly am sorry.
我希望在这次缓刑中还能有一次机会 I'd like to have one more chance at this probation.
你愿意坐牢还是更愿意缓刑 Would you prefer being in prison, or would you prefer probation?
法官大人 我想缓刑 我不想进监狱 Your Honor, I prefer probation. I don't wanna go to prison.
那么你必须服从我的命令 Well, you have to follow my orders.
我真的不想进监狱 I definitely don't wanna go to prison.
-听着 这些都是严肃的指控 -是的 法官大人 -Listen, these are serious charges. -Yes, sir.
现在 如果你还想和其他囚犯混的话 Now, if you like hanging out with other prisoners,
我们可以为你安排 we can make that arrangement for you.
-你明白吗？ -明白 法官大人 -Do you understand that? -Yes, Your Honor.
如果你愿意的话 我今天就可以接受你的尿检 I can go pee today if you like me to.
好的 我会给你缓刑 All right, I'm going to grant probation.
我也会惩戒你30天 I'm going to sanction you for 30 days.
好的 先生 Yes, sir.
-好的 谢谢 -不客气 - All right. Thank you. - You're welcome.
-《美国疯狂》怎么样 -你看过肖恩·斯派瑟的视频吗 -What about Mad TV? -Did you see that Sean Spicer stuff?
我看过没有？ 没有 杰克 我在戒毒所 我他妈的没看过 Did I see it? No, Jack, I'm in rehab. I didn't fucking see it.
-我看过 -我把它发给你 -I saw it. -I'mma send that to you.
看 我头上的白头发 我把它命名为亚当 Look, this gray hair on my head, I named it Adam.
-你要把它拔掉吗 -你知道我有多少根白头发吗 -You gonna pull it out? -You know how many gray hairs I have?
我接到一个电话 是亚当打的 I get a call, and it was Adam,
他敞开心扉 他说他在吸食海洛因 and he just opened up and he said he's been doing heroin,
不想 and didn't wanna...
不想一直这样下去 Didn't wanna keep going that way.
你知道 他有一个朋友因为吸毒过量而死了 You know, had a friend that had passed away due to an overdose,
他就是不知道该怎么办 and he just didn't know what to do.
所以我把他带回来了 So I brought him back.
你好吗 兄弟 What's up, man?
你过得怎么样 兄弟 How are you doing, bro?
-好多了 -嗯 你来了 -Been better. -Well, you're here.
-现在很冷 -欢迎回家 -Pretty cold right now. -Welcome home.
谢谢 我很感激你带我回来 兄弟 Thanks. I appreciate you taking me back, man.
我告诉过你我们会一直支持你 我们永远在你身边 I told you we'd be here for you. We're always here for you.
第一次戒毒并不总是一定会成功的 兄弟 It doesn't always work first time down the path, man.
不 不 No, no.
问问这里的所有人 Ask all these guys, man.
我觉得我当时就是没想好 I think I just had the wrong ideas.
也许我就应该在这里待着 虽说也不是最好的办法 Probably should've stuck around here. Not the best idea.
绝对不应该回惠灵 Definitely shouldn't have gone back to Wheeling.
是的 不应该回惠灵 No, shouldn't have gone back to Wheeling.
也不应该接受那份工作 Shouldn't have took that job, either.
全都是毒品和乱七八糟的事 It was just all drugs and bullshit.
你知道 有时候 要从艰难的方式中学到教训 You knew that, but sometimes, you gotta learn the hard way.
对 我就是必须经历烈火的审判 Yeah, I just had to trial by fire.
幸运的是 火没有把你完全吞噬 Fortunately, the fire didn't burn you all the way.
是的 它没有 No, it did not.
它把你烤焦了 我们把你救出来了 It scorched you. Well, we'll get you out.
星期天 我在家里 Sunday I was at the house,
我收到一条短信说 亚当已经离开雅各布之梯了 and I get a text message saying, "Adam has left Jacob's Ladder."
他很坚决 说主意已定 He was adamant, said his mind was made up.
他不想进行戒毒治疗 He did not want to go through detox,
他说 “我很感谢我被邀请回到这里 and he said, "I appreciate the offer to come back here,
但我还没准备好戒毒” but I'm just not ready to quit getting high,"
他就收拾好行李 走了 and he just packed his bags, walked out.
我不吸很难受 我在那里住了两个晚上 I was dope sick, and I was there for two nights.
我根本睡不着觉 我觉得我根本不在乎 I couldn't sleep at all, and I felt like I didn't give a fuck.
我不知道 海洛因 I don't know, heroin,
它完全是另一个层次的 it's just a whole 'nother level.
除非 我也不是纵容别人去试 Unless, and I'm not ever condoning somebody gotta try it,
但如果你试了 你会知道... but if you try it, you know...
你会喜欢的 you're gonna like it.
是海洛因 It's heroin.
这是世界上最糟糕的毒品 因为它太棒了 It's the worst drug on the planet, because it's so good.
你知道 如果海洛因很糟糕 人们是不会上瘾的 You know, people don't get addicted to heroin because it sucks.
我妈妈讨厌我住在这里 You know, my mom, like, hates me being here.
当她发现我在吸毒 You know, when she found out I was using,
伤了她的心 it broke her heart.
你现在是什么感觉 How do you feel right now?
沮丧 Depressed.
我看了很多电视 I watch a lot of TV.
看了很多电视节目 Watch a lot of TV.
你们看过《行尸之惧》吗？ Have you guys seen Fear the Walking Dead?
很棒的电视剧 It's a good TV show.
我不知道现在自己在做什么 我只是在即兴做事 I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just winging it.
因为一切又从头开始 'Cause it's all brand new again.
我觉得一切都没变 I feel like it hasn't changed.
我觉得我又回到了一年半之前 I feel like I'm right back where I was a year and a half ago.
你会怎么做 把他扔到大街上吗？ Like, what do you do? Do you throw him out on the street?
我试过了 但没用 I did that. It didn't work.
那只会让我更加担心 觉得我会接到电话 Made me worry even more, thought I was gonna get the phone call,
你知道 他被人发现在桥下 或者 you know, that he was found under the bridge, or...
被逮捕了 that he was arrested.
我要拿点纸巾 I need a tissue.
所以我不会那么做了 除非 So I don't think I'm gonna go that route, unless I'm forced to
亚当的举动让我被迫那么做 by whatever actions, you know, Adam takes.
那样的话 我就会做出决定 你知道吗？ That's gonna be kinda the deciding point with that, you know?
很明显 如果我回到家 我的财产... I mean, obviously if I come home, and my belongings...
如果我要第四次买这个该死的电视 If I have to buy this damn television for a fourth time,
我一定会非常生气 I'm gonna be really pissed.
因为我已经买了三次电视了 I've already bought my own television three times.
三个星期前他什么都有 He had it all three weeks ago.
他自己的房子 他自己的车 好工作 不错的薪水 His own house, his own vehicle, good job, making good money.
也许来的太快了 Maybe it was too much too fast.
你怎么想？ What do you think?
我不知道 I don't know.
我不知道我想要什么 I don't know what I want.
如你所见 As you can see,
我的生活离完美差很远 you know, things are very far from perfect in my life.
除非你想要帮助 不然你是得不到帮助的 But you can't get help until you want it.
他必须下定决心 He's gotta make up his mind.
这很令人伤心 It's very sad.
在雅各布之梯又待了四个月后 拉什要搬到另一个全新的清醒生活馆
最后一个 Last one.
拉什 你好像我妈妈 不过要乘以四倍 Rush, you're like my mother times four.
第一天 Day one.
-恩 我只需要这么大的空间 -好的 - Yeah, I only need this much space. - Okay.
-很多挂衣服的地方 -书 我有一个图书馆 -All that hanging space. -Books. I have a library.
我们这里有一个要求 每周你要参加五次会议 We have a requirement here. You go to five meetings a week.
可以是匿名戒酒会或匿名戒毒会 That can be AA or NA.
我们每周有两次内部会议 We have two in-house meetings a week.
每个人都要参与到社区服务活动中来 Everybody in the house participates in a service activity
每人每月一次 in the community once a month.
我们这里晚上有宵禁 We have a curfew here.
我就是想要问责制 你知道吗？ I still want that accountability, you know?
我想确保当我从这个踏脚石 摩根镇的清醒生活馆离开 I wanna be sure that when I do integrate into society
重新融入社会的时候 from this next stepping stone, Morgantown Sober Living,
我能够拥有在康复中心或戒毒所之外 that I will have what I need to succeed in life
在生活中能让我成功的技能 outside of a recovery house or a rehab,
这就是我需要的地方 and this is where I need to be.
-谢谢你 -还有其他需要的吗？ -Thank you. -Yeah, anything else?
-不 我觉得够了 -好的 -No, I think that's it. -Okay.
好的 欢迎来到友谊之家 Okay, welcome to the Friendship House.
现在是上午10点 滥用药物组 This is the 10:00 a.m. substance abuse group.
今天要讨论的话题是药物依赖 The topic for discussion today is chemical dependency,
但是我们也可以讨论任何形式的康复 but we can also talk about recovery in any form.
我是莱恩 I'm Ryan.
戒毒一年之后 莱恩成为了一个有资质的康复教练 带领支持团队
-我是帕姆 -嘿 帕姆 -I'm Pam. -Hey, Pam.
-我是肖恩 -嘿 肖恩 -I'm Sean. -Hey, Sean.
-我是希瑟 -希瑟 -I'm Heather. -Heather.
-我是斯蒂芬 -嘿 斯蒂芬 -I'm Stephen. -Hey, Stephen.
所以如果你们有任何想要讨论和克服的问题 So if there's problems you want to discuss and overcome,
我们会帮你的 我不会评判你 we're here to help you. You're not gonna get judged by me.
凯斯也不会批判你 我们中很多人都经历过同样的挣扎 You're not gonna get judged by Keith. A lot of us struggle the same way.
-今天应该是47天 -太好了 - Today would have been 47 days. - That's great.
但我要往回算一天 But I kinda went back one day.
-你滑倒了 -我滑倒了 -You slipped? -I slipped.
当你滑倒的时候 有没有特别的事发生 I mean, did something happen when you had your slip though,
或者第二天 你会说 or the next day, you were like,
哦 我不应该喝酒 因为这事发生了 "Oh, I shouldn't have drank, because this happened"?
当我的思绪开始飞奔的时候 When my brain starts going a million miles an hour,
它就是不能正常运作了 it just doesn't function right.
不要生活在那种羞耻和内疚中 Don't be living in that shame and guilt,
因为今天你在这里 你在这个小组里 'cause today you're here, and you're in group,
你没醉 这才是重要的 and you're not drunk, and that's a big deal.
有很多不同的方法康复 There's a lot of different aspects to recovery.
比如你可以选择你想做或不想做的事 It's like you wanna pick and choose what you wanna do and not do.
你们告诉我 选你们想做的 留下其他的 You tell me. Take what you want and leave the rest.
我知道这是真的 I know that's true.
没错 Exactly.
所以我们在小组以后可以做健康计划 So we can do wellness plans after group.
无论是关于你们的身体 Any goal you have that relates to your physical,
心理或心灵上的健全 mental or spiritual well-being,
我们都愿意帮忙 we're willing to help with, so...
拉什 伙计 Rush, man.
-拉什 你看起来气色不错 -谢谢 伙计 - Rush, you look good, buddy. - Thanks, man.
-我喜欢你的头发 -谢谢 -I like your hair. -Thank you.
-我刚做的 -你看起来棒极了 - I just did it up. - You look amazing.
谢谢 Thank you.
-健身了 -没 -Workin' out? -Nope.
-你好吗 -你好吗 伙计 -What's up? -What's up, man?
哦 天哪 Oh, my God.
我以为我们来早了 I thought we were early.
-小心点 老兄 -这又不是《欢聚一堂》 -Be careful, man. -It's not gonna be "Kumbaya."
来吧 唱一首欢聚一堂 Come on, "Kumbaya."
我们又要唱滑稽的篝火歌吗 Are we gonna do campfire funny songs again?
-我明天必须要穿工作靴 -嗯 - I have to have metatarsal boots tomorrow. - Mm-hmm.
如果你想和我一起去 If you want to go down with me
帮我买一双的话... and help me buy them or something like that...
可以 我宁愿给你买靴子也不愿直接给你钱 That's fine. I'd much rather buy your boots than give you money.
-好的 -我是说... -Okay. -I mean...
我明天开始有一份新工作 找到一个装配员的岗位 I'm starting a new job tomorrow. Got another fabricator position.
一开始13美元一小时 Starts out 13 bucks an hour.
我报有少许的希望 I'm hopeful.
他回来服用舒倍生了 在诊所表现很好 He's back on the Suboxone. Did good at the clinic.
这是件好事 That's a good thing.
我宁愿他在监督之下 I'd rather him be under supervision
服用的是舒倍生而不是海洛因 with the Suboxone than out doing heroin.
所以你知道 两害相权取较轻的 So, you know, it's the lesser of two evils.
看起来进展不错 Seems to be doing okay on it.
他看起来气色好多了 没有什么黑眼圈 He looks better, doesn't have the big black circles under his eyes,
没有话说一半就晕倒 isn't passing out mid-sentence.
-那些事 -我没有话说一半就晕倒 -Those kind of things. -I wasn't passing out mid-sentence.
-也许有吧 -是的 你有 你有 -Maybe I was. -Yeah, you were. You were.
但我认为他做得很好 But I think he's doing pretty good.
本周我们走在了正确的轨道上 This week, we're on the right track.
是的 这周 我们下周再看看 Yeah, this week. We'll see about next week.
那就像我说的 我很乐观 That's like I said, I'm hopefully optimistic.
说谨慎地乐观也许更好一点 Cautiously optimistic may be a better way to put it.
对 这双就好 很合适 Yeah, these are it, right here, too.
因为违反缓刑条例 杰夫坐牢30天后被释放
我们不知道他住在哪里 他要去哪里 We don't know where he's living, where he's going.
所以严格来说 他在这里认识的人 So technically, only people he has that live here
只有他的妹妹 前妻还有家人吗？ are his sister and ex-wife and her family?
-是的 -孩子们和她的父母在一起 -Yes. -And they're with her parents, the kids?
她妈妈 Her mom.
可怜的孩子们 Poor kids.
哇 Wow.
这很糟糕 虽然就这样把人释放 It's awful how they just, like, let people be released.
我不知道人们该如何站稳脚跟 I don't know how people are supposed to get on a good footing
遵守缓刑规则 他们没有任何资源 and follow rules of probation when they don't have any resources,
他们就是被释放到北中心去了 and they're just released to North Central.
-怎么样 伙计 -嘿 -What's going on, man? -Hey.
-你好吗 -很好 -How are you doing? -Good.
-你好吗 -很好 -How are you? -Good.
-嘿 伙计 -怎么了 -Hey, man. -What's up?
-你好吗 -有什么计划吗 - How are you? - What is the plan?
你现在的最终计划是什么？ 因为我们也不知道 What is your ultimate plan right now? 'Cause we have nothing.
我只是想离开这个镇子 I just want to get out of town, man.
-不会让你走的 -那我就没有什么计划了 -Not gonna let you. -Then I don't have a plan.
我们不能没有计划 We can't have that.
-好吧 当你离开这里 -我不能留在摩根城 - Well, when you leave here... - I can't be in Morgantown.
对我来说 摩根城是个糟糕的地方 Morgantown's a bad place for me.
你现在必须留在摩根城 Okay. You are going to have to be in Morgantown right now,
当你离开这里的时候 你需要直接去无家可归者之家 and when you leave here, you need to go directly to the Bartlett House,
确保今晚你有地方住 make sure you got somewhere to stay tonight,
然后你要努力找到工作 then you gotta hit the ground running, trying to find employment.
我是三次重罪犯 你知道我找到工作有多难吗？ I'm a three-time felon. You know how hard it is to get a job, man?
上次我找遍了每一家快餐店 从萨布拉顿到星城 I put in every fast food restaurant, from Sabraton to Star City last time.
没有人会雇用我 No one would take me.
你要这么看 You gotta look at it.
你犯错了 You pretty much fumbled the ball.
-你自己造成了现在的处境 -嗯 -You're in the situation you are. -Mm-hmm.
你的妻子也在这个处境中 Your wife is in the situation she's in.
你的孩子也前途未定 Pretty much your kids are just in limbo.
现在你们没有人把事情做到最好 Right now, neither one of you guys are batting 100,
所以我们对你采取的治疗方案是什么才好呢？ so what is our treatment plan for you gonna be?
-去匿名戒毒会？ -是的 当然 -Going to NA meetings? -Yeah, definitely.
不食用任何麻醉品 酒 和合成毒品 Do not consume any intoxicants. No liquor, no synthetic drugs.
不吃K2 不吃浴盐 No K2, no bath salts.
不吃不属于你的药物 No prescriptions not of yours.
如果你决定要服用速百腾或舒倍生 If you decided you want to get on Subutex or Suboxone,
速百腾已被停用... Subutex is no longer allowed...
一开始就注定失败 你明白我的意思吗 Setting up for failure, you know what I mean?
我不能待在这个镇上 I can't be in this town, dude.
我不能 I can't do it.
你兄弟杰夫 我今天刚出狱 It's your brother Jeff. I just got out today.
我以为是明天 但今天就出狱了 I thought I could get out tomorrow, but it's today.
是的 我不知道该怎么做 Yeah, I don't know what to do.
他们想让我住在无家可归者之家 但我不打算那样做 They want me to stay at Bartlett House, but I ain't about to do that.
那里只有瘾君子 无家可归的瘾君子 They're nothing but drug addicts there. Homeless drug addicts.
我为什么会想要住在那里？ Why do I want to stay there?
嘿 查德我是杰夫 Hey, Chad, this is Jeff.
我想回雅各布之梯 I thought about coming back to Jacob's Ladder.
我需要它 I need it, dude.
我的生活失控了 My life's getting out of hand.
我今天搞砸了 今天又吸了一串可卡因 I just messed up and did a line of cocaine today.
这生活是为了什么 What's this life for?
给我打个电话 Give me a call.
爱你 兄弟 再见 Love you, bro. Goodbye.
老爹回来了 Old Dad's back.
杰夫 Jeff.
兄弟 你好吗？ What's up, brother? How you doing?
-越来越好 -是吗？ -Doing better. -Yeah?
我们很高兴你还活着 We're happy you're alive,
如果周五晚上 如果不是那个人的话 'cause Friday night, if it hadn't been for that person,
一个不知名的人开车路过 the random person who is unnamed that was driving by,
看到跟你一起的瘾君子往你脸上泼水 that saw the people that you were using with pouring water on your face,
拍打你 摇晃你 谁知道他们会不会叫急救呢？ smacking you and shaking you, who knows if they would have called EMS?
但是那个人叫了急救 But that one person called the EMS.
所以你的救命恩人就在外面的某个地方 伙计 So your hero's out there, man.
一个陌生人开车路过 看到你需要帮助 打了个电话 A random person drove by and saw you needed help and made a call.
他不需要那样做的 They didn't have to do that.
你可能就是另一个快死了的瘾君子 You could just be another drug addict dead.
你知道人们在脸书上说 让他死吧 You know, people on Facebook saying, "Let him die."
戒毒17个月 拉什在工地上工作
亚当也有工作 并继续和他妈妈住在一起
戒毒21个月后 莱恩开始担任康复教练
杰夫下落不明
凯文和他的团队继续运营雅各布之梯
90%需要治疗的美国人并没有得到治疗